Being Me

Gab on election 2010

2011-08-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

another post lying in my draft since may 2010

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i failed to photograph Gab (as i did 3 years ago in a national election) when we brought him to our precint to vote last May 10. that would have been his 2nd time to "witness" his parents do their civic duty. hence, am writing this down for him to read in the not so distant future.

i was in a hurry to cast my vote since Gab was on my side & could not sit still. after successfully shading all my candidates, i held his arm so he could stay still while i tried to feed my ballot into the scanning machine. suddenly, he jumped & shouted "PCOS machine! PCOS machine!". i heard laughter from the voting precinct. when my ballot was successfully scanned I uttered a "YES". then he shouted again & said "YEHEY". afraid that he would shout his presidential bet (who is not my choice), i hurriedly guided him to the door.

here comes the sun

2011-07-12T17:44:00.000-07:00

The downpour in the past days coincided with some heaviness I felt. Blame it on the rain, so the song goes. Today however, the glorious sun is up. And so is my emotion. In life’s (and human emotions’) ebb and flow, I learned that one thing is constant – God’s abiding presence, come hell or high water.

on kid writing & proud mom

2011-03-14T00:17:00.000-07:00

In four days, my son will finish his nursery. We are more than elated with the skills & knowledge he has acquired from school. Watching him now write some words not only make us so proud but also brought memories of joy when we heard him say his first word. And how heartwarming it is to receive notes/cards from him these days (some words were of course dictated to him!). The downside of it? We see our names written in our cabinets & even in our ageing car. We were horrified the first time we saw the markings, but still amused that our son can actually write now!

teaching moment

2010-11-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

hubby & i were excited recently when he got a notebook pc as a bday gift. our son shared in our excitement. he tried to hug the laptop and said "i'm so happy we have a laptop". i told him "even if we don't have a laptop we can still be happy, baby". he retorted, "yes mom because i still have many things. i have the other computer, my toys" and he continued to mumble other things. i felt that was an opportune time to teach him something so i quickly added: "even if we dont have those things Gab we still can be happy. see, you have the sun, the mountains, the birds. they make you happy, right? you have mommy & daddy" and he nodded in agreement. "and most of all Jesus is in you. he is in your heart". i didnt care at that time if he got something and understood what i was saying. i sensed i just needed to say that to him. and i was surprised with his answer. "yes mom, when i die Jesus will be in my heart". i didnt say any word anymore. we both fell silent while i hugged him. i know somehow, something hit him even in his tender age.

topping my bucket list

2010-09-15T21:35:00.000-07:00

for the second time since my son entered nursery school, i accompanied him to his class today. he has been asking me for days and i thought i could just take time off from work for half a day. well, even just for a few hours i spend with him, i saw my son's face brightened up. being with him was enough to lift my spirit too...

it was also a "me" time. i had the chance to grab the book i have been reading and browsed it while waiting for my son's class to end.

this is something that's become a luxury for me - uninterrupted reading :)

one of Gab's favorites is going to new places for a snack. well, he had it this morning & was glad to have his "date" with mommy.

obviously, being a SAHM still tops my bucket list... sigh :(

remembering our angels

2010-08-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

i almost choked on my brother's Facebook shoutout. it reads:

"God Has made your journey into this world so short.You almost came fully existent but then you left too soon.Though your mother's womb didn't hold you much longer,we hold you forever in our hearts.Farewell Lil one..Have a safe journey back home,...to the hands of your CREATOR."

memories of my three miscarriages came back when i read this. like my brother and his wife, my heart ached when i remembered those times when I & hubby realized we could never hold those unborn babies in our lifetime. the pains came back. but now i am reconciled to the fact that even if we could never have them, but we always hold them close in our hearts.

those four years

2010-08-05T02:14:00.000-07:00

four years ago today, hubby & I were both excited and nervous at the prospect of becoming Dad & Mom to our son. while we were expecting his birth, my mind can't focused - i didnt know what to do (even at my rather advance age) and what to expect. gosh, i can imagine if i was the one actually giving birth. though i was a bit afraid, but i remember the glorious experience of anticipation. my son's birth date falls on the Feast of Transfiguration. and i took it as God's way of allowing me to experience some sort of transfiguration - if i may compare it to that.

like all mothers, raising up my son is both a happy and bumpy ride. but each day of being with him brings myriad of experiences & lessons for me that i can't trade for anything. and i look forward to the years ahead - his teen age years, puberty, adulthood...

today, i reaffim myself that it was God's design that our son becomes a part of us. and i thank God for allowing me to experience the miracle of adoption.

Happy birthday Gab. remember, Dad and Mom love you very much.

nature made more beautiful

2010-01-28T16:48:00.000-08:00

as a child, i have always adored the wide ground in this part of my home place. this is where many of my fond memories as a child took place. now that i'm an adult, passing by the area lined with trees and breathing the cool morning air not only bring deja vu but made me more appreciate God's creation.

Recently, an interesting sight caught my attention as hubby & i pass the capitol ground (as the locals call it) going to work. Something that made the scenic view more beautiful -

notice these two ladies helping a boy walk. obviously the teener is differently abled. and i come to admire the patience of the two women accompanying the boy make rounds in the capitol ground for exercise daily. whether these two women are devoted family members or paid helpers does not matter to me because i can see their dedication and sacrifice. i can't help but breathe in the love pervading in the air. for isnt this the perfect picture of love in action?

Gab's affair

2009-03-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

with his new bicycle...

"hmm, this looks beautiful"

"how do i ride thee?"

"let me try it my way..."

"it seems easy...it's running now"

I did it...

from now on, nothing's gonna stop me ...

growing still

2009-03-07T20:28:00.000-08:00

this post was in my draft for a long time. now that Gab has reached the 5 yr milestone, this post means much to me...

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more marks of Gab's growth & development...

his toy cars now stay outside of his room. with grasses that he imagines he hauls and dumps.hhmm, plans to to be a garbage man (lol). he just loves trucks so much that sometimes he parks them in our bed at night, despite our protest.

imitating his dad putting on deodorant...hhm, he is a bit OC when in comes to cleanliness. much like Daddy.

my gown can have all the creases

2008-12-15T22:36:00.000-08:00

we stood as principal sponsors the other weekend. because the wedding was early, hubby and i were all dressed up before Gab woke up. in the mood for shooting, we asked our helper to take our photo. lo & behold, Gab suddenly appeared from his room & managed to squeeze into the camera's frame ...

still in pajamas! i tried to shove him to the side because he was signalling me to carry him & i was concerned with my gown. but he started to protest. seeing the hurt in my son's eyes, i quickly lifted him up to my arms...

and got this beautiful shot in my entire life! i didn't care anymore. my gown can have all its creases (yes, they were visible as i walked into the church hours later), but i can never forget Gab's smile as he posed with us.

when we bid goodbye to him, he was actually smiling, pleased that Mommy caved in to his demand that i carry him while i was all dressed up.

i love this cropped image - proof of Gab's sheer joy. and ours too...

he is fast growing up

2008-11-14T23:09:00.000-08:00

tita sol, do check my multiply site also at http://geenatee.multiply.com/ if you have time. got few posts about Gab...a warning though, multiply sucks! it takes eternity to open it. but am sticking to it because i have an existing network there.

HapPy BdAy DAD

2008-11-13T01:17:00.000-08:00

Today i thank the Lord for the one person who

~ is my true friend
~ loves me unconditionally

~ loves our son so dearly & affectionately

~ sought our welfare above his own

~ prays for and with me

~ respects my independence

~ constanly gives me affirmations

~ allows me to make mistake

~ understood my idiosyncracies

~ gently moves me when i'm stuck in negative emotions

~ wept with me & felt my family's deep sense of loss

~ serves my mother/siblings/nephews & nieces like his own

May you be blessed even more Dad. Happy Brithday!

oops, sorry again

2008-11-10T19:33:00.000-08:00

my sister who visited this blog emailed me & said she could not give comments. sorry, everytime i experiment with the layout of this blog, some things just happen! i have modified my comments setting already. hope you keep coming back and drop your comments next time. thanks for the visit anyway...

equal to the last drop

2008-11-09T20:20:00.000-08:00

while buying my lunch in a carenderia near our office, i noticed two boys giggling with their eyes closely inspecting two glasses filled with orange soda. i realized they were sharing a bottle of soft drink and were obviously making sure their glasses have the same amount.

that also happened to us when we were small. each time we were treated with our all time favorite soft drink, i can remember all of us siblings would closely watch our glasses as my mother/father poured the drink. and to make sure we got the same amount, we would place our glasses side by side and do visual check. if lucky to be given more, we kept mum. but howls of protest can be heard from those given less. being our models of fairness, my parents would always summon those who got more to fill from their share the glass with less soft drink . it was all fun for me - the inspection/comparison of glasses and the ensuing arguments for fair share. but more importantly it became part of my foundation for understanding and living out honesty , fairness and sharing.

image from http://www.istockphoto.com/

images

2008-11-09T18:57:00.000-08:00

these old images stored in my pc inspired me today. hope they will boost your Monday.

start to listen now

2008-11-06T18:53:00.001-08:00

"i will listen to you, especially when we disagree"... these are the words of US president-elect Barack Obama to his supporters in Chicago in his acceptance speech on the night of the historic election of the US. his speech was emotionally moving from start to finish. but this particular line keeps echoing in my ears.

truly it's quite easy to listen to someone when you are of the same opinion. but very difficult when your opinions clash. everything else is shut off when someone with disagreeing opinions/ thoughts challenge my own. listening to that person is the last thing i do. i'm moved and challenged with Obama's words. perhaps next time, i can try to be less defensive and listen even when disagreeing with someone.

are you willing to listen to someone whom you have disagreement with?

my wish

2008-10-28T15:31:00.000-07:00

i have posted in this blog my desire to be a stay-at-home mom. well that has been nagging me for days. to get this feeling off my chest, here are my photos with my son taken during those days that i'm not at work ...watching him on our kitchen sink "washing" the dishes, one task that he likes very much to door taking him to a walk in our place

and feel the excitement as he shows me his great finds in the street.

ooh, on working days, there are a lot i am missing. even when i am in the office, my mind drifts away from work and i often catch myself thinking about my son at home...am devoting the rest of this year to pray and search for God's will in this area. please pray with me..

post rummage

2008-10-09T00:58:00.000-07:00

amidst the searing heat of the sun, the women of my community pulled off the rummage sale we have been planning. i haven't checked on the figures of sales but for me, it was a success in many ways.

it was an event that finally made brothers and sisters say goodbye to their clothings/shoes/kitchenware/books/what-have-you (held on for so long that they have gathered dust) and meaningfully contributed to the fund for the construction of our building. but more than this, it was a venue for us to see people/buyers who were happy to find usable things at very low low price (at the end of the rummage, some were selling their goods at buyers price!). i noticed a man who was seriously looking at a pair of men's shoes while closing his right palm. i told him i could give him that at 50% the price . when he opened his hand, he showed me the exact amount!. he gave me that radiant smile and said "thank you ma'am, my son will surely be happy with this pair". am awed by how God can use me in this way. no, this is not even as grand as lifting somebody from poverty or fighting for a cause. but making someone smile because you gave him a big discount is equally rewarding...

Me Time

2008-09-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

after a long time, this morning is my chance to do something alone. it's me time (been wanting this)!...hubby is bringing our toddler to the next city to recreate in the children's area while he transacts with our internet provider.

and after posting this short blog, am off to my chore. since the church community where i belong will hold a rummage sale this coming Sunday, i will look for things still worthy to be sold.

unloading things that i don't use anymore has always been therapeutic for me. after "thinning" my possessions (they're not really that pricey, but piling up in the closets unused for years!) and giving them away to people who can still use them gives me both feeling of guilt and satisfaction. guilt, because all these years i have just accumulated them. satisfaction, because at last i can give them away for use by other people or for the cause of my community (this time to raise fund for our resource building).

am going to my search now before my little one gets back. i still have to add more to these clothes i have initially gotten from our closet. hope i'll conquer my sentimental reasons for refusing to relinquish them.

my first visitor

2008-09-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

awhile ago, i was managing my blog in the dashboard & my heart went thumping when i saw that one of my entries got a comment. Whah, am i dreaming??? i rushed to view the comment. it's real! got a comment from imom. i'm floored by the visit.

thanks for your inspiring comment Chateau & for wishing me to stay long in my blogging. being new to the blogosphere, i'm still at a lost. in fact nobody among my family & friends knew i started this blog. not even my husband, i swear!

when i woke up, for some reason i just deleted my latest post. it ended with: 'off to my bumpy ride to blogsphere'. with the 1st comment i got, i say 'now to my magic carpet ride' to blogging...

Mommy Only

2008-09-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

in one of my bloghoppingS (an addiction is in the offing!) i read a post that mentioned the “Mommy Only” duties (from a local TV the blogger watched). Here are the list:

1. Caring for your child during times of illness.
2. Eating with your child
3. Bathing your child
4. Helping with their studies.
5. Tucking the children to sleep.

if so, my son has been missing my presence in items 2 & 3. i felt sorry for myself (and pitied my son) after having read the blog. the fact is, i would have wanted to do these things by myself. but because of work (sigh, sigh) i have built up my son's schedule of bathing & eating with his yaya. all these are done while i am at work.

been thinking last night. the desire to spend more time with my child is mounting. if only i could quit my 8-12/1-5 job & do something else to earn while being a stay at home mom (top of my wish list)...meanwhile, because work time is given (am fortunate enough not to render over time) i thought of adjusting maybe his schedule so we can be together at least in some meals or i can bathe him in the evening..

the little that counts so much

2008-09-08T00:23:00.000-07:00

seems like today i have captured my thoughts well with this 3rd entry. day dreaming at work? uhhmm...

well i just remembered our friend D who suffers from a heart disease and had to undergo (asap) angioplasty few weeks ago. realizing the huge amount his family had to raise, we initiated our own fund raising ((i knew of another friend who also did some fund raising). dipping into our own pocket, i realized what we can give was merely an iota compared to the huge amount our friend needs. the funds we were able to raise was for me still small. prompted with so much concern, i emailed a group of women(many of them i only met once) for prayers. one of them responded & made the proverbial extra mile. she asked the account number of D and told me they will deposit a little amount to help him.

come to think of it - when many with their little resources to offer will converge, God can work a miracle. early on i was tempted to doubt if D can undergo the medical procedure soonest. shame on me - how could i harbor misgivings on God's provision? but in two weeks time, he was able to raise the money needed. he is now back with a functioning heart. thanks to the little that many people out there contributed.

sentimental QWERTY

2008-09-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

to feel productive today, i decided to work on our database. our piles of papers to be encoded are becoming mountains. while encoding, the tingling sensation in my left hand becomes more pronounced. i have been suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome for sometime now. but this post has nothing to do with the pain.

when my fingers were clicking the keyboard, i noticed my speed. i used to be one of those who typed fast way back in college (my father used to brag my small feat to his friends). i envisioned now my typing lab in the university where i studied in first year. the image brought me back to my younger years - when my father would bring me to his office (he worked as a bookkeeper in a local hospital) on weekends. he would let me sit on his chair & taught me to position my fingers in the typewriter or to key in numbers in the adding machine without looking. i learned my QWERTY from him. the speed was i think in the genes. my father also typed very fast.

growing up, i too have clashes with my father. but when he died several years ago, all i could reminisce were my weekends spent with him in his office - the excitement i felt when i could type QWERTY or add figures without eyeing the typewriter or calculator.

the images are coming back now. fresh & vivid... am missing my Papa...

week starter

2008-09-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

when my weekend is well spent ( hope i can write on my recent weekend soon), i rant when mondays come. oh well, today is different. a collegue served us boiled organically grown bananas. i had it with balsamic vinegar (odd combination? nope, it was perfect for me!) and gulped a cup of coffee...thanks for starting my week Mimi...

heart warmer

2008-09-05T00:29:00.000-07:00

ah, plenty of them...just a while ago, i called home and talked to hubby. after our short conversation he gave the phone to my son. the next thing i heard melted my heart: "Mommy", he said with a very soft voice. "it's raining Mommy (in dialect)", he continued. i can't contain it. i missed him more. didn't go home for lunch today so he must have missed me also.

i.want.to.cut.short. my.work!!!

tgif

2008-09-04T19:31:00.000-07:00

ushering the weekend, friday is always a happy day for me. here are some images for you all. have a happy weekend.

simple calls matter

2008-09-02T20:28:00.000-07:00

our family friend (hubby's best buddy) and his two kids are down with colds for days now. yesterday, my 2 year old son kept on calling their names & said he missed them already. this morning, my friend called & i thought he has something important to say. no, he simply called (his voice still sounded sickly) & asked how my son is. actually i sent him a text message yesterday and told him how my son misses them. after i put down the phone, something hit me. how could i missed calling them in the previous days and find out how they were doing?

i promised to myself, next time around i'll try to reach out first. and make that call that will matter to other people...

first try

2008-09-02T02:06:00.000-07:00

i want to try blogging without sending notices to my contacts or checking who among them read (or simply ignored) my posts. of course, i would be glad if friends and family will somehow be led to this blog.

i don't have great thoughts to offer. i am not a profilic writer. just want to release my thoughts and emotions, whether or not someone reads my posts in the future.

here's to a new ride of blogging.